Once upon a time there was an a mighty dragon slayer who deftly skewered evil and contemptible enemies of the Empire State (most of whom worked along a prominent street with a Wall). The citizens were so taken with this dragon slayer they elected him to be their king. He was corronated with much pomp and circumstance. His first days in running the Empire State were a little shaky as he had ADHD and went about skewering not only dragons but sometimes innocent citizens (by accident of course–collateral damage). But in time, he reigned in most of his passions and governed the kingdom well. The citizens were happy as in Robin Hood-like fashion the dragon slayer took from the rich (and the semi-rich, actually from anyone with a paycheck) and freely gave it to those who did not work, so those who did not work (which over time had grown to greatly outnumber those who did work in the Empire State) would re-corronate him in another four years. It was his insurance policy to be king for life.

But the dragon slayer king’s carefully crafted image was just that, an image. Behind the mask, he was not who he pretended to be. The dragons he slew were not really dragons but citizens and members of the aristocracy he didn’t like–those who would not support him. He tried to give citizens from foreign lands illegally residing in the Empire State a legal wagon license–which would have resulted in illegal citizens gaining the right to vote for the dragon slayer king in the next election. Furthermore, he had multiple dalliances with some of the damsels of the Empire, and with damsels from other nearby Empires–damsels that were not his to dally with. One day, the persnickety, pesky, perseverant court jester (called The Truth) popped his head up and exposed the new king for what he was–a fraud and a hypocrite. The carefully crafted mask was shattered and the new king and erstwhile dragon slayer was run out of the Empire State on a rail.

And so the assistant king, whom nobody knew, now became the king. The problem was, the new king who had been the assistant king had been hiding in the shadows using a disguise. The new king who had been the assistant king was in reality the Village Idiot! He didn’t know how to run the kingdom any more than he knew how to run a McDonalds (“would you like some taters with that side o’ beef?”). He had spent all of his life inside the ivy covered towers of various castles educating young squires and damsels (and engaging in dalliences with some of the damsels), and he never paid attention to how to actually run an Empire. Oops.

And so the new Idiot king tried his best to run the Empire State, but he botched it rather badly. To complicate matters further, his council of Knights in Senate Armour, who were also elected to assist the king, squabbled among themselves and could not accomplish any governing either. So the Idiot king decided he would appoint his own assitant king, an assistant king that would also function as the chief Knight to put an end to the squabbling. So he picked… the stable boy, who was not really a boy but an old man in charge of the Empire’s horses (which was a primary mode of transporation throughout the largest city of the Empire). The Idiot king figured the stable boy was an expert in removing piles of…problems. But the Knights in Senate Armour did not like the fact that the new king selected an assistant king, especially one that would attend Knight in Senate Armour meetings and potentially stop the squabbling by casting a tie-breaking vote. So the Knights sued the king and took the matter to the Empire’s magistrates, where the matter would be decided by the very people whom the (now defrocked) dragon slayer king had appointed to office.

The moral of the story: Next time you vote for a new king, make sure you know who the idiot is he’s bringing along with him. The end.

Related reading: Ravitch appointment heads to court

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